New Year's Eve. 9:00 PM. I was going out because I wanted to see how people celebrated New Year's in Melbourne and I also promised Dee I'd get pics of the fireworks. I went to the station at 9 and immediately got into the train. It already full and it kept getting fuller as we came closer to the city. When we reached Flinders Street Station, it was so packed and full. The police closed the entire City Square area and the streets were all filled with people.
The 9 o'clock fireworks came on but I couldn't get a good look at it as I was making my way through the crowd. The organizers had set up a couple of different stages across the city with different bands playing. They had an african band, a country band, and latino band playing on different stages. I took a walk from Federation Square to the Art Centre and then went down to the Southgate near the river because it was one of the spots where they shot the fireworks. Prime real estate.
Since it was 3 hours till the show, I went and walked around Southgate and stopped at Crown to get myself some New Year munchies, Gyoza and Japanese Pancake. Then I went back to Southgate near The River complex and took a seat there while eating my Gyoza. Then at 11 I stood up and took a spot that was real nice and stayed there for an hour until the fireworks began. It was an awesome 15 minute show. The pics are on my multiply site.
The train home was packed, it reminded me of Indonesia, people were like sardines in a tin can. But there was this one obnoxious guy with a loud girl, don't know if he was drunk but he was pissing everyone on the train. All in all, it was a good night but my feet were killin me from all the standing.
New Year's Eve is the 31st of December. New Year's Day is the 1st of January. But I'm not the type of person to celebrate New Years. I just don't find it interesting to party past midnight. I'd rather hang around with my family and friends. I don't drink or like to go out to night clubs. I'd like to and I know I can probably avoid getting involved in the drinking and the drugs but I just don't feel comfortable in that environment unless with my friends. It's just something about people losing their inhibition and partying overly hyped that just makes me uncomfortable.
I'm more comfortable staying at home. I want to spend the night contemplating on the year of my life. I don't live a hedonistic ar agnostic lifestyle, I live a religious lifestyle and I take it as a lifestyle. I just probably stay at home and read the books, pray, and then sleep. The most special thing would probably cook something special.
But if one of my friends were to invite me to go out, I'd go out. I just don't find it easy to ride home on a train or tram filled with tired and half naked people all full of drinks and whacked on partying. I just wanna take a photo of fireworks down gy the southlands if possible. Or any fireworks show. Maybe I'll just sleep through it.
I do not know if being stubborn is just another sign of being selfish. Sometimes they do selfish things and say really horrible and hurtful things. Yet sometimes, they don't even realize it.It is kind of hard to try to cope and deal with a person when they are being so stubborn. The attitude where someone never admits to being wrong or never admits to making a mistake. Never wanting to admit that they've really hurt a person's feelings.
I used to be that kind of person but then I realized that being like that would be detrimental to my personal life. It would really rock friendships and make it difficult for me when I'm cooperating and working with others on projects, work, and just being an integral and needed part of a corporation. I used to be the one who found it hard to accept critiques and ideas from others, I always wanted to be the leader, and I always needed to be right. But that kind of attitude doesn't improve who I am as person, a student, an employee.
I just learned to chill and see the big picture. Accept the critique and see how that can improve my ideas and learn to let other speak out their mind. I learned how and when to speak my mind in a way that would build trust and not hurt others. I ended up being a better person, my ideas became better and I ended up being really good in working in teams and sharing ideas and work. I learned to be a better leader and a better listener. Being able to feel and to relate to my friends and team members makes me a better leader and better motivator.
I learned to apologize quickly, not letting my pride or my emotion get in the way, and even accept the apology of others before the say anything, as to make them understand I had no hard feelings or felt bad. I usually had my heart on my sleeve and sometimes I acted and spoke based on emotion. But as I grew up and had more experience, I found out that with my heart, I should wear my mind on my sleeve too. So now, when I act or speak it is always with a balance of heart and mind. What we do and say will have consequences and results and sometimes we tend to not think about our actions. That's what I think made me a more mature and a better person. I hope it makes me a good leader and a business person and a great executive. To be able to think logically and analytically, empathizing and understanding others, using our mind and our hearts, and other things will make me a better person, InsyaAllah.
Fuel For Stagnance
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Your words are law
Your actions are absolute
No refuting, no arguin
No wrong, you're always right
Critique my sentences
Words strung with logic
Not bounded just by emotion
Using the brain to gauge the heart
My actions are analyzed
Not randomly performed through a flow
There is a reaction to every action
So I think of the consequence before I act
And now you have imposed dire consequences
Upon yourself and what visions I had of you
Always consider what the other feels or thinks
Maybe you think I am some kind of frozen figure
I'd rather be one step ahead trying to to guide you
To take you in stride together with me
But maybe you want to be left behind
Perhaps take a step back
I will not ever try to guide you
My right hand is the hand of will
My left hand is the hand of determination
I will not destroy my own balance
Hypocritical you are in your words
For something so big you can adapt
Yet for something so small you seek stagnance
So be it, your words are your guide
Emotion as your fuel
Remember how explosive it is
The fallout is something you have to face
Maybe you can finally see how deadly it is
Perhaps I will not explode
Perhaps I shall forgive
But I know it takes time
But I know it won't be easy
I'm not the same anymore
I was enlightened
I chose to stay in the light
Away from the dark
Why now have returned to the dark?
Do not drag me there
I choose to stay enlightened
Maybe you need to step out
I won't look back
You choose whether to step out
Or to cringe in the darkness
I can only press myself forward
----
Drake
Sometimes people are hypocritical. Sometimes they tell you one thing but do the next. When you've progressed forward, they ask you to take a step back. I choose not to take a step back.
I had a tiring day today. I went with my friend Teddy down to the city to check out the boxing day sale. First off, it was meeting up at the train station at 9 and going to the Melbourne Exhibition Centre for a huge sale. It was crap. The only good thing were various novels sold for 5 dollars. There were a lot but I did not have the time to scope it all out. All I knew is there were Star Wars novel so I was hoping I'd find some Anne rice novels.
The clothing of were very poor quality and the shoes were outdated models. The good thing were probably the rugs but I don't have any use for rugs or carpeting yet. Then we went off to check out movies that were playing. We decided to watch Narnia cause we thought it were exciting. Boy were we wrong.
After scoping out the movies, we looked for clothes and shoes. Teddy was a bit picky and comparing everything to Indonesia. It kind of got tiring and started to iritate me a bit. Live in the now, Australia is not Indonesia so we have to make due with the situation. We went to QV and Melbourne Central and checked out the shops.
We ended up going to Swanston St. to get some Indonesian food and on the way I found a nice shoe store and got myself a nice pair of casual shoes. Then we ate lunch and then watched the movie. Narnia itself was a bit disappointing for my part. Could have been done better. Why did Peter Jackson do King Kong? Maybe he should do Godzilla..
It's good to step away from the hussle and bussle of the modern day and just take time to enjoy the past. I'm doing so within a musical context. I've been listening to the 2005 release of Tritania, Ashes, and After Forever's 2005 release, Reimagine. I've also been listening to Iris and the 2005 release of My Sixth Shadow and Dope Stars Inc. I was reorganizing my music library on winamp and on Mediasource when I saw the old albums I had.
There was Tristani's Beyond The Veil which I haven't listened for a while sitting dormant. Beyond The Veil, Tristani's 1999 release, is heralded as one of the best gothic metal albums ever. And right from the get go when I turned it on, there it was, the beauty of Beyond The Veil on the first track. I ended up having Beyond The Veil played the entire day. Not to be outdone, I played After Forever's Prison of Desire, another great early release. I just wanted to go back in time you know, enjoying the early release of my fave bands. And the ultimate in melancholy for me, Lacuna Coil's In A Reveri album. With To Myself I Turned and Falling Again calling out, I remembered how much I love this album back in 2000.
I also got off my butt and opened Not For Your Ears, that Evanescence CD that someone gave me. I know that it was ripped but it was good. I mean, hearing their original take on the songs made me realize how good the old Evanescence were, when Ben and Amy were still friends. I also ended up listening to one my fave EBM bands, Clon Of Xymox. A really good record.
There are two albums I'm looking forward to in 2006, Lacuna Coil's Karmacode and everything else I like. Oh yeah, Flowing Tears new album out in 2006 and Bloodflowerz 2006 release if they ever release it (wonder if they're still around). Lacuna Coil is the one I'm waiting for, my gothic metal heroes are back.
MasyaAllah..
I am so grateful and thankful that my internet has come back on again..
I will never take internet lightly ever again..
I am an IT guy and the internet is like part of my life, part of my blood..
Without it, I feel as if I've lost something you know..
Like losing a car or losing an organ..
I mean, I live most of my life on the net..
Writing stuff and reading stuff..
Downloading stuff and finding stuff..
Chatting with my family and my friends..
I'm just grateful that my internet is back on..
It's near Christmas and New Year's. Everything seems so boring cause everyone is so caught up with Christmas and stuff. I have nothing to do. But I have plans to go to the cinema or the mall with Tedy. We're just gonna hang out cause we're both bored and all our housemates are home. I have done nothing these past days.
Don't start with christmas spirit. I'm not even Christian or Catholic. And the weird thing is, most of my friends celebrate it as some sort of holiday. I think the religious significance of any religious holidays has been forgotten by most people living in capitalistic societies except a few.
What I Adore________
Music : Gothic metal, Gothic rock, Black metal, death metal, Symphonic metal, EBM, Techno
Artist: Lacuna Coil, After Forever, The Dreamside, Tristania, The Gathering, Iris
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My Past Thoughts___
December 2005
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